Aspergers and singleness by Aaron Tanner

Valentine’s Day is coming up this month. Many couples will spend time with each other in social activities ranging from an expensive dinner at a nice restaurant to ordering Chinese food and watching a movie at home.

Due to difficulties with social and communication skills, some with Aspergers feel distressed about not being in a relationship. In one study done by the Redpath Center of Toronto, only 32% of adults on the spectrum have ever had a romantic relationship vs. 50% of the adult neurotypical population.

Although the statistics sound gloomy for individuals with Asperger Syndrome or High-Functioning Autism, those with the condition are actually in the same camp as my generation, the Millennials. A 2016 poll by Gallup, an American research and survey company, shows that 59% of Millennials, those born between 1981 and 1996, are single and have never been married. The number of unmarried adults in the United States today equals the number of individuals who are married.

Sadly, there are still stigmas against being single. However, recent research shows that single people lead just as fulfilling lives as those who are in a relationship. Here is a link I found highlighting different benefits from being single, including having more in-depth relationships with friends, having better quality sleep, and being less likely to be in credit card debt.

I believe one of the reasons I can hold down a job despite my disability is because I am single. Since I do not have a girlfriend, I can devote more time to being a better employee and improving myself. Not having a girlfriend allows me to write on the side about exciting subjects. If I were to have a girlfriend, I do not believe I could hold down a job.

True, there may be a little part of me that wants a romantic relationship. However, I question what part of this desire is something I want versus what society has conditioned people as far as romantic relationships. Although I do have concerns about being alone in old age, I do not believe marriage will solve this problem. As long as I have friends and family who can be there for me as I age, that is what matters.

I encourage parents, guardians, and other trusted adults to communicate with a person with Aspergers that they can be just as complete being single as being in a relationship. Even though I have never had a girlfriend, I know that relationships are nothing like what romantic movies portray. In real life, being a couple takes a lot of hard work and can be taxing for someone with limited social capacity.

A mature adult should also point out to those on the spectrum that not everyone on Facebook is in a romantic relationship. The statistics point to many young adults being single. To counteract the feeling of despair, help them find a social group where those on the spectrum can make friends based on a common interest. Let the friendships develop naturally. If they fall in love with someone of the opposite sex, that is great, but if they do not, the person with Aspergers will have a group of people to do social things together.

There is nothing wrong with being single this Valentine’s Day. Instead, use the time of being single to focus on a hobby, learn a new skill or make new friends while not being tied down. At least one can save money and time on chocolate or come up with a silly love poem.

What is your experience being single with Aspergers? Comment in the section below.